At This Moment

There is always a sense of anticipation with a significant event like a birthday, a wedding, or even the birth of a child. Sometimes waiting is exciting, at other times dreadful. Well we all know too well the anticipation period leading up to the moment. I can think back and remember each step forward to the big day or event. Busy planning and prepping, I still try to find ways to celebrate each step closer. Sometimes I get so focused on the step leading up to the moment I forget what will happen when the day comes? Ok its here, now what?

I recently have been going through the process of waiting for a moment. I have been preparing for my daughter Sophia to have muscle lengthening surgery. Having a selective surgery is no small feat. I took a lot of growth in my courage. Can I really get my baby girl and myself in this through this experience? I’m talking about 5 procedures in one day, two half-casts for four weeks in the beginning of summer. All this followed by therapy three times a week while I’m working. Add no bathing for 27 days, limited mobility, and keeping Sophia motivated to move while managing pain. It was a tall order. I planned, prayed, prepped, went to all the evaluations and appointments with her. I was as ready as I could be.

June 1, 2018 was the day. The day came and I was enthusiastic and a bundle of nerves. I could not escape the ongoing “what if’s” playing in my mind. I knew it was a challenge, but the reward of improved mobility for my daughter. A long road a head but what we were working for was so very worth it. Sooner than later, Sophia would be able to take her first independent steps. Her having the autonomy to move her body as she pleases means a major change for me as well. I could close my eyes and see her dancing, running around, climbing all over the playground. I counted my blessings for such an opportunity. As much as I could, I removed the worry and kept focused on the moment coming.

After four hours of checking in, getting snacks, trying to read articles to ease the time she was in the operating room. The moment was here and now gone. Now what? What do I look forward to now? Recovery is not a one size fits all, everyone was telling me to “listen to the child, she’ll tell you what to do”. My focus transitioned from knowing to an unknown. Sounds easy and practical but I realized the patience was too foreign to me at this time. All I could do was worry. My go to instinct is to clean myself in a fury. I prepared meals, cleaned rooms, and tried my best to make her comfortable once arriving home. There was nothing left to prepare for. It was time to be present in the moment. I want to do what’s best for my child so I became patient and present. I tried my best to tune in and listen to her needs.

We are past a month post operation and I can say with pride the preparation for the procedure was all worth it. Sophia is recovering well, with not too much pain. In therapy she is exceeding expectations with movement and mobility. Her work ethic and drive is inspiring. So I’ve been devoting myself to this recovery. This recovery created for me a practice of patience I needed to have for her healing to be successful. Healing is a consistent practice of showing up and doing the work. The work reveals itself daily and you can’t predict what each day will have in store. I realized sometimes in waiting for the moment I get caught up in the steps, to-do lists, appointments, even with the best intentions at heart. Being present and consistently listening to my child was the only way I could make it beyond the moment. This is moment was worth honoring because it truly is a gift. The beauty of this moment is only the beginning. We have so many milestones to look forward to.

9 thoughts on “At This Moment

  1. Wow!! What a testimony. Ellen you are an exceptional mother!!! God truly prepared you for this journey sis. I admire how you smile your way through tough times, I admire your strength and your positivity. I bless God for Sophia, what a brave child!🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ellen,
    Your story is so inspiring, you and Sophia have beat the odds and exceeded doctor’s expectations but not God’s. Her will to walk and your strenght to help her achieve that with God’s help has brought you here… reminds me of the strength of female elephants and the way they care for and protect their young…
    please post more updates of your daughter’s progress…..
    loving your strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just love this post! It’s so invasive to your true feelings and I admire your honesty and will to let us in a private and sensitive place of mind. I know that God has a plan for Sophia and yourself. Keep doing exactly what you are doing. The path Sophia is following makes her a living testimony

    Liked by 1 person

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